Details of work troubles ...

See, they are calling me slow in my work in laundry, in folding mainly. And that i do not check the dryers enough. I have been there 4 months, I work 3 days a week (8 hours each). I don't have the best hand-eye coordination, I never have. Thus I suck at sports, handwriting, and more. I WAS in "medical records" but I was moved, as it said in a typed letter my work ethic was fine but it's the budget and they needed to save money. I was moved just days shy from my 4 year anniversary there! With only a few days notice and only get to work in Med. Rec. for like 1 more week. Funny how you have to follow their rules (2 weeks notice for example) but they don't have to follow themselves. I am highly educated and motivated but lately I've not felt so motivated. And, so, I feel like I am under attack and stressed out so I am a talker and empath so when someone is down I ask what is wrong and listen, and when they see me and ask what is wrong I tell them. And they tell on me directly or indirectly it manages to get to my boss' ear. She doesn't like her department or herself looking bad. Well, it's only the truth, it's only spoken out of stress, I wouldn't talk if I wasn't being stressed out in YOUR department! I admit, it is not the best move, nobody likes hearing things like that. But if I don't talk about my problems when a friend asks I'd go insane, I can't help myself. I am quiet, but I can't be quiet all the time. So, now I'm more in trouble for talking about it. It happened Wednesday and in ways I am still talking about it today! I wouldn't if it wasn't stressing me out if I had some kind of recourse! She now wants to give me a "Verbal warning". Next it's a write-up, then its adios! What i don't get is why it is WRONG for me to talk but not wrong for the people to spread it to her ear, somehow tattle-tellers are OK. I haven't even mentioned the people who have taken the time to tell on me instead of just doing their work! So, I have bad team work for being slow and talking .. but they have good team work for taking the time to tell on me? How does THAT work? GRR! And I have a BA in psychology yet this boss is trying to reprimand me and tell me how to live my life. sawdust me -- you PLANK.

Things are bad at work, and they're only getting WORSE

I'm scared and hurt and confused. I keep making things worse. What's wrong with me? Laundry boss is making out as if I am the sole villain. Taking my mistakes and amplifying them and they are the only mistakes. She hates me, she wants to give me a Verbal Warning. You have to get that first,then you get Written UP. Then you have to not do (whatever) for many many months or you're probably gone! I have been betrayed over and over again at work, it is to be my undoing. Why am I the focus? I am new! The problems existed long before I came they will exist even if they write me up or get me out of there. It's my fault. Has to be. I'm an idiot I can't do anything right. I thought I was training myself to have good social skills as the years have gone by .. building up from zero because my family never taught me any I was so naive with them I didn't know anything ... but apparently not. Apparently I am a bad person. All my work for naught, all my soul building and heart-keeping for naught. I'm sorry for whatever harm I have done you. I haven't meant to. But it seems i do harm nonetheless. It's OK if you don't wanna talk to me anymore except to chew me out. It seems that is all anybody wants to do to me right now. You can chew me out, I won't stop you, I deserve to be punished, per usual. If I am not cursed, why do I feel like I am? What must I do for the LORD (aka Father, aka God; Jesus; the Holy Spirit) to gain a little peace and justice? A little way for me to be what the LORD wishes me to help Him with? Why do I have to have all this DRAMA instead? I don't want things to be perfect, but some breathing room would be nice. Would you want to talk via voice? I don't know what I'm doing :-( You can ask the LORD to tell you about me. I trust you, you can know me warts and all. Everybody has warts, if they act any differently especially if they are wart-free but you are not then they are after something. I just want to help people to help themselves to be the best they can be, their true soul selves. But I don't ask it from others enough I guess -- I don't ask for help. Also I get defense sometimes when I feel attacked and sometimes snap back. I can't quite quit the past apparently :-( what is wrong with me? I need to know so I can fix it. I need an Angelic Extraction. Y_Y =)8(= (angel with halo and wings) sorry I need to learn to not be so selfish and burden others with my problems. I guess I'll never learn or be worthy of anything but scorn. I don't mean to come across as negative. If I am I am sorry and you can leave me if you want, You need to be sure you are living with people that make you the person you are, that make you MORE, not less.

Poisoner at Work

There is a mis-translation in the King James Bible. King James himself admitted this on his death bed. The mis-translation was done on purpose to support anti-witch laws that King James instigated. The misquote is "Thou shall not suffer a witch to live." The actual translation is "Thou shall not suffer a POISONER to live IN YOUR VILLAGE." This is not like someone poisoning the well, but more like poisoning the community by causing dissension with their lies and machinations to harm others. I am surrounded by poisoners at work! No I am not paranoid. I guess "surrounded" is a bit much, tho. So, I'm going to concentrate on just one department: laundry. And just one person: Jackie. I am not judging here. I have been called into Robin's office twice, and each time it is because of what Jackie said of my work. Let me tell you of the latest time, because it is similar to the first. The first she said I folded too slowly, sat down to fold and that slowed me down even more, and was not watching the driers enough. On Wednesday, May 30, 2012 I was doing my best to get things done when we were short people. This included having Jackie boss me into checking not 1, not 2, but 3 closets! In other words, every closet but "her own", like we own closets. But she said "that's my closet, I know it, I know what they need so I don't need to count it." So, I am NOT saying I counted 3 closets so I don't need to do anything else for the rest of the day. I am saying this as 1) the truth (and I did it quickly and accurately. Sure, not perfect in number as I would if I didn't need to be faster, but it was a fair guesstimate done by looking at the stacks fairly). and 2) defense for Jackie trying to make it out like I can't be fast or helpful. I went on to help the rest of the day. Jackie was being bossy the whole day. And she wanted things her way. She has to do everything. She has to take on the burden. When I got up to check if a dryer was done she would get upset and want me to concentrate on folding. She would rush up to check the drier way before it was done and restart it. I would be folding and she would go to a drier early and this time it would be done this time and I'd offer to help empty it and she'd refuse help. I would start to bring over a cart of washed to put into the drier to help that way but she told me to just sit down and keep folding she'd do it. So, since she is going to be so bossy and impossible to work for, I'm not going to help her. If she is so gung ho on emptying the driers herself and filling them then when she's there, I let her. But when she was not there I checked the driers just fine like when Jackie and Angela had to go up to serve breakfast. I emptied the driers and filled them. But when she came back, Jackie didn't say good job or anything like that but chastised me for filling the dryers wrong. Jackie never did count her closet, and even tho by my counting of the other three closets I showed some of them needed items more urgently, she still made sure her cart/closet got stuff first as she divided them evenly, the only exception being bibs which she knows 300 needs more because that unit the residents always eat in there and not the MDR. So, after awhile I felt like no matter what I did Jackie would find fault, so I just sat down (also because my back hurt, I was born with two sets of fused vertebrae so I have to sit sometimes) and folded. We discussed staggering our lunch times. Jackie had said she had not had time for breakfast and so I decided to be nice to her even tho she had been a mean bully all day long and volunteered to eat at 11:30 so she could eat at noon. She had to remind Angela and I that it was nearly 11:30. Angela said it was not close enough and she had time to finish another pile of folding. I said the same thing. So, when it came time for me to go to lunch, Jackie interrupted me and said I had to turn off the buzzing washers. Well, I said no. I have every right to say no when it is time for my break. She was going to be staying down there she could just have easily gotten up from sitting down (somehow it is OK for her to sit and fold) and done it herself, But she wanted to boss me around again. She said "excuse me?" I went up to her because it is noisy there and I said "No, I am going to lunch now. You aren't doing anything important. You can turn them off yourself." I did not raise my voice or make any gestures. I was simply firm in my statement of truth. The washers had been going off for awhile already, and right when i want to go to lunch, she wants me to suspend my time to take my break to order me around? Why didn't she ask earlier, why didn't she just do it her self if it was bothering her so much? The machines are unharmed in their buzzing they are just letting us know they are done. They can wait for Mel to return she was not to be gone long. Now, before you consider that bad behavior or that I am not a team player that is not a fair say. I had been cooperative that whole day, and I cooperate the entire time of my working down in laundry. I just had had enough of her bossy attitude. I told her so with out raising my voice cursing or calling her names or making threatening hand gestures or anything. I was simply firm. I don't see why I should have to let myself be bullied how does that help me as an individual and on a team? At some point Jackie decided to go whine to Regina, I am sure she buttered her up real good exaggerating my "problems" by masking her own, and unfortunately Regina fell for her manipulations. Because when Regina came out to help us fold, she was taking more time than usual on watching me and asking me strange leading trick questions. One time Regina asked "How is it going checking the driers?" Everybody else was there and so I didn't answer. I couldn't answer because of the crap Jackie was pulling, so I just kept quiet. Then Regina said "No comment, John?" Knowing right then that Jackie had fed her a bunch of lies and knowing there was no way to answer that properly I grunted a non-response that could have sounded kind of like a "yeah" but a very sarcastic and short yeah. Later I find myself called into Robin's office downstairs with Regina. I listened without interruption as Regina (who hardly is out in the middle so has no experience in watching me work, and had not been out there for very long that day) said I was slow folding and not checking the dryers and sitting down and folding slower. How can she say that when she wasn't out in the middle long enough to gauge that? Maybe I was already upset and tired from Jackie's crap to work at my normal pace or a faster one? No, the only reason she could say that with authority is if she was told that by someone else. Because it was only Angela, Jackie and I out there and Angela had no problem with my work ethic and thanked me several times for my help it must have been Jackie. Regina already knows Jackie is bossy, Robin already knows she is a trouble maker, so I want to know why, AGAIN, the person in authority did not nip this in the bud. I want to know why she is bothering me and victimizing the victim. I am a victim of Jackie. It is Jackie that needs reprimanding, not me. But i was told I worked too slowly. I asked if I could be written up for this and she said yes. The problem with this is that she had just talked to Mel and Robin had told her she understood that everybody works different and at their won pace and that as long as it gets done by the end of the day and we act as a team it's OK. I have great work ethic, everybody appreciates my help, I work in several areas and do well in all of them. I know I cannot be everyone's friend, but I am not after that I am trying to be a good worker and I am. I get along with everyone. So, the exception is not me, it is Jackie in that she is sabotaging me and making me look bad. Twice now, at minimum. She is the problem, not me. And the other problem is Robin. She is an ineffectual leader. She cannot properly reprimand the ones making work harder (Jackie for one) and she is stressing out those that are trying their best (me for example). She takes things way too personally and makes things worse instead of better. She won't see things how they are. She is not consistent with her words saying one thing then reprimanding me with the very opposite! There are more people who like my work and me than who don't. More people support me than don't. I am not perfect, to be sure, I am working on that. I listened to what my problems were calmly. But when I tried to defend myself to get to the truth I was not listened to in turn. That is unfair. I have a winsome personality and I work well by myself and with others, many different people in different kinds of jobs. I take instruction well. I do a lot for the residents and my positive personality adds to that, Jackie is very negative. I cannot be held responsible for other people having problems with me that they invent in their own heads. The co-workers support me and do not support Jackie. Justice needs to be done here. That is all I am asking for. Jackie is a poisoner, why should I be made to suffer her crazy perspective?

Lost

I am trying to be positive to change things for the better. But all it's done is put things in neutral, and sliding downward. I am helpful to others do unto others what I would like done unto me ... but for some reason it's not working right now. I need to be more stubborn and confident and strong, but ... I don't know what I need, really. Money to pay my bills and fellowship would be nice! A girlfriend that is a good friend would be helpful; but really I should be smart and caring enough to be able to do it on my own! I feel stymied, almost cursed even. As if someone is following my life from the outside putting things in to trip me up and taking out things that would benefit me. I can still be a friend but it's like that cursed Muse in "Dogma". I don't know ... never-mind, I 'm sure it's all my fault per usual. I just can't figure out what that is! I look at the variables ... oh well

PoemZZZ ~ "Sheetless Ghosts"

Sheetless Ghosts By John True Everybody is nobody When it comes to staying close. Everyone has barriers; But nobody like me. Nobody blocks like I do; I do it by being loving The best I can With limited training (Mostly trained in it's opposite). But I will not be anti! Why is hypocrisy so easy; And balance in truth so hard? Tell it like it is! Immune to poisoned preachers And venomous blood. Society is an organ grinder. Hypnotizes with it's music As it makes us sheetless ghosts. Graves forever flowerless, Deeds undone by chaos, Love lost in lies (Mainly the lies we tell ourselves In order to keep our addiction Or appearences to Others alive). So maybe I will dis-appear And I will dis-appoint And I will be dis-sane Just as I am dis-jointed and dis-illusioned You can't dis me I do it too well myself.

Great Work Review ... finally!

This work review matches much closer to what I've been trying to do! And I get a raise! Praise and raise, w00t w00t! Still complaining about my time management ... ugh *rolls eyes*

Tired

Tired, bored, meh!

The Chemelion

I am the chameleon without the chem
without the sham
the lion being tamed
All that is left is e
e for everyone to put their image onto my canvas
before my own paint is even dry