Just let me rot on the vine

Again Amber Hodges doesn't acknowledge my existence. I might as well not exist for real ... for what is existence but when you are noticed by somebody else?

***

No girl wants to take a chance on me.
They like me, love me, want me ... but it is never enough.
They can be curious about me, interested in me, attracted to me
but in the end they will be too scared and stubborn to want to take a chance on me.
They'd rather fight with me, tease me, fill me with false hope, test me with
love-with-conditions, compare me to others, compare me with my sometimes shown hurt-side,
have me as just a friend (if even that), judge me by their expectations, control me or want to be controlled by me, but mostly take me for granted not notice me or consider that I may have feelings too.
and that I am True.

***

Go ahead with the life you think is yours that is in reality planned from everybody else's expectations for you
Consider you are not hurting my feelings when you really are when you ignore my existence whenever I am with anybody else or you are, but still smile and blush when I talk to you one-on-one with less witnesses.
Trump up the minuses associated with caring about me to overshadow all the positives

***

Don't mind me
Just let me rot on the vine
You've got everything all set
All lined up
I'll just ruin it
It being your deception.

no ... it's better to satisfy their expectations of you
make their idea of happiness and normal your own
forget me
forsake me
forward me to some imaginary next-lover that never comes but simply repeats your action
that is ... forwarding me to the imaginary "next".
how many nexts must I go through before one sticks?

***

I don't understand:
why won't your advice and counsel help me?
why doesn't new knowledge console me with it's counsel?
i'm tired of trying to figure it out.
It just doesn't make sense ... i cannot win, I want out
I am simply unattractive
If only one woman would take a chance on me
I would attract so much that is amazing!
It will be worth the risk!

***

Ignore that ... stay safe ... remain deceived ...
take care of yourself ... bully me ... discard me ... be afraid of me and disgusted
your feelings are more important than mine ... your life is more important than mine
That's OK, do your worse, you cannot stop me from loving you

Just let me rot on the vine
so that you can be ...
filled with false promises and lying dreams that you are being picked just in time